Turn down the lights,
Turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices, inside my head.
Lay down with me,
Tell me no lies,
Just hold me close, don’t patronize me.
As days pass and changes are made, one could think that only new things would come. Wrong. Old feelings haven’t disappeared and sometimes, in the middle of the night, they resurface to hunt you until exhaustion takes over.
From the outside, this life might seem easy, it might seem as if nothing was done and no effort was made. The multiple tries, the endless hours of preparation, the good amount of failed ideas, the several rejections, the shameful pleas. Those are obviated, those are overseen.
When I was growing up, I had dreams too. None of those dreams included this. And even though I wake up and get out of bed with the best intentions; when night comes and I get into that bed again, the intentions have turned into failed attempts and the willpower sometimes banishes in form of tears.
When I read that we are the only ones in charge of our life, a big “sod off” threatens to leave my mouth. If only that were true, my life nowadays would at least resemble one of my childhood dreams.