Music

Tiny Doors.

Life can be quite amazing sometimes. In a matter of weeks, my future changed from black to a light grey, something I couldn’t have even imagined at the beginning of summer. But changes can be terrifying too, and these days are a mix of excitement and fear. Am I doing the right thing? Will it work out? Trying my best to squash that annoying voice in my head, to quiet down all the noise in there. But it becomes too much sometimes, the squeaky demon living up there can be too powerful. 

Luckily, there are songs that take over everything and give me peace. Like “Tiny Doors” by Hiatus. I talked about it here, and now it’s the soundtrack to my last sunset, filmed in what soon will be my hometown but not my home

Advertisements

Parkland.

Someone once wondered what the world would be like if everybody walked their talk; if word was married with deed; promises delivered by action. It would be a very ugly world these days, if that were the case. Most of the people around us are egoistical creatures. We all are egoistical creatures in the end. 

I’ve been feeling the need to disappear, to take a break. An hiatus. But from what? I’ve been doing nothing for three years! I need a break of doing nothing. I need something, a sparkle, a little push. Wether willingly or not, days pass by in a blur of nothing. Words are thought, scenes are imagined, ideas are treasured. Actions are inexistent. Sometimes my actions, sometimes others’ actions, sometimes life’s actions. 

Tiny Doors by Hiatus.

It is like sitting on a bench in a park. Watching people come and go. A dog chasing a bird, a kid playing ball. The mother watching closely as the daughter comes down the slide, her laughter traveling in the air. Laughter that scrapes a smile on your face. What’s better that a kid’s laughter? I think there is something better: the feeling caused you being the reason that has made that kid laugh. Because even then, we are egoistical creatures. In the end.

Good Winter.

Turn down the lights,
Turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices, inside my head.
Lay down with me,
Tell me no lies,
Just hold me close, don’t patronize me.

ways

As days pass and changes are made, one could think that only new things would come. Wrong. Old feelings haven’t disappeared and sometimes, in the middle of the night, they resurface to hunt you until exhaustion takes over.

From the outside, this life might seem easy, it might seem as if nothing was done and no effort was made. The multiple tries, the endless hours of preparation, the good amount of failed ideas, the several rejections, the shameful pleas. Those are obviated, those are overseen. 

When I was growing up, I had dreams too. None of those dreams included this. And even though I wake up and get out of bed with the best intentions; when night comes and I get into that bed again, the intentions have turned into failed attempts and the willpower sometimes banishes in form of tears.

When I read that we are the only ones in charge of our life, a big “sod off” threatens to leave my mouth. If only that were true, my life nowadays would at least resemble one of my childhood dreams.