When you move far away from home, from what you’ve known for 28 years, it is very easy to lose yourself. Not in the literal sense – although that is bound to happen too. It is easy to question your motives, to doubt your strength and to be on the verge of giving up. It is the perfect opportunity to know yourself, too. To really get to know yourself inside out, to accept who you are, to realise what you really want, and to open your mind and your heart. To become real.
I have two rings that keep the promises I made to myself in the front of my mind. I got a Wonder Woman keychain to remind myself that I am doing something very brave and that I should be very proud of myself at all times. I have tokens, and I have what matters, too. I like to keep my friends close and talk to them constantly about everything and anything because I value those friendships and the time they all take to talk to me and be my friends. I love and miss my family, but still have them a text away. I cherish that. I also have something sporadic. It doesn’t happen often, but there are some nice words here and there that, to me, are something meaningful because I feel lucky. An addition to a life already filled with all the positive things that I love. And I have all these things because I am real. By being real, I have become special. By keeping things real and treating every single person I encounter as real people, things have fallen into place naturally. As a dear friend said: “It’s about building the layers of your life.”
When I woke up this morning and realised what we celebrate today, I started to think of a list of all the women I admire and love dearly, but I don’t want to forget anyone. That’s the problem with having so many wonderful women in my life: I lost count. But as a friend says, I felt the need to commemorate today somehow.
To the dear friends that talk me through my bad moments, to the wonderful women I want to be like in the future, to the ones that make me laugh, and stop over-thinking, and breath, and just live. To those three that raised me, shaped me, loved me and encouraged me. To the ones I lust over, to the ones I’ve read about and applauded. To all the women that have changed me somehow: happy International Women Day.
Don’t worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi
On October 15th, 2013 I left Barcelona to pursue a life-long dream: living and working in London. Four months later, I am still here. Right now, I am a live-in nanny in South London to a very nice family and their beautiful dog. I have my own attic room and too much free time. It is not a glamorous life, and trying to find your place in a city like this is more difficult than you could ever imagine. But I am not ready to give up just yet.
And it isn’t only about finding a proper job and finding your place: life in general gets more and more complicated when you try to be a honest adult. The lessons you are taught by time and experiences are very hard to digest sometimes, and they surprise you in any turn of the road when you less expect them.
I think I have changed more in the last four months than I’ve changed in years.
But at least I have one very clear goal: to be able to walk down the street with my head held high, without any shame or regret, and a very big smile.
Life can be quite amazing sometimes. In a matter of weeks, my future changed from black to a light grey, something I couldn’t have even imagined at the beginning of summer. But changes can be terrifying too, and these days are a mix of excitement and fear. Am I doing the right thing? Will it work out? Trying my best to squash that annoying voice in my head, to quiet down all the noise in there. But it becomes too much sometimes, the squeaky demon living up there can be too powerful.
Luckily, there are songs that take over everything and give me peace. Like “Tiny Doors” by Hiatus. I talked about it here, and now it’s the soundtrack to my last sunset, filmed in what soon will be my hometown but not my home.